Holiday Grief: How to Survive the Holidays When You’re Grieving

How to Survive (and Maybe Even Enjoy) the Holidays When You’re Grieving

Some years, December doesn’t feel like “the most wonderful time of the year.” It feels like the longest, loudest, loneliest month on the calendar.

The songs are the same, the lights are the same, but everything is different because someone is missing, or a relationship has changed, or the family that used to gather doesn’t anymore. Grief shows up in a hundred quiet ways: an empty chair, a tradition that now hurts, a text thread that never lights up, the pressure to smile when you barely feel like breathing.

If that’s you this year, you’re not broken. You’re grieving. And you don’t have to pretend otherwise.

Here are the practical tools I teach in my small grief workshops (and use myself) to make the season survivable — and sometimes even gentle.

1. Spot the grief wave before it knocks you over

Grief doesn’t arrive with a warning label. It sneaks in on a Christmas song, a familiar smell, or the question “Any big plans?”

Your nervous system has a “window of tolerance.” Inside it, you feel relatively okay. Outside it, you’re either flooded (tears, rage, panic) or shut down (numb, spaced out). The goal isn’t to stay perfectly calm — it’s to notice when you’re leaving the window so you can come back sooner.

Quick check-in (30 seconds):

Where do you feel tension in your body right now?

Is your breathing shallow? Heart racing? Mind blank?

That’s your early warning system. Name it silently: “This is grief.” Naming it lowers the intensity.

2. Three grounding moves you can do anywhere (even mid-conversation)

When the wave hits at the grocery store or dinner table:

• 5-4-3-2-1: Name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.

• Hold something cold (glass of water, keys) and focus on the temperature.

• Press your feet into the floor and silently count to 10 with each exhale longer than the inhale.

These aren’t about “fixing” the feeling — they’re about giving your body a steady place to stand while the wave passes.

3. Scripts to leave early, decline invites, or change the subject (without guilt)

You’re allowed to protect your peace. Try these:

• Leaving early: “I’m heading out at 8 tonight so I can get the rest I need — thank you for understanding.” (Repeat calmly if pushed.)

• Declining an invite: “This year I’m keeping things really small — I appreciate the invite and hope you have a wonderful time.”

• Changing the subject: “I’d rather not talk about that tonight — tell me about your new puppy instead?”

Short, kind, final. No over-explaining required.

4. A 60-second self-compassion practice that actually works

Place a hand on your heart.

Breathe slowly.

Say silently:

“This is really hard right now… and that’s okay. I’m doing the best I can.”

That’s it. No toxic positivity. Just truth.

5. Your 3-minute Holiday Grief Care Plan

Take a sticky note and answer:

• Today’s reality: One honest sentence about where I am with the holidays.

• What I need most: One word (rest, space, connection, quiet…).

• One small action I can actually do: (e.g., leave by 8 pm, text a safe friend, light a candle and say their name).

• How I’ll know it helped: A tiny sign (sleep better, cry less in the car…).

Small is powerful. One tiny step forward is still forward.

You don’t have to do December perfectly

You just have to get through it in a way that doesn’t cost you your peace.

If you’d like to go deeper — with real people, real tools, and a space where tears are as welcome as silence — I’m running three small live workshops in December (max 10 people each).

We’ll walk through everything above together, and you’ll leave with my new Holiday Grief Companion Guide.

Dates:

• Tuesday Dec 09 · 10am-12pm EST

• Thursday Dec 11 1–3 pm EST

• Friday Dec 12 7-9 pm EST

Regular $149

Early-bird (Register before: Dec 5th ) $99 with coupon EARLYBIRD

Limited sliding-scale spots available. Email to inquire.

Register Now

Because grief was never meant to be carried alone — especially in December.

With care,

Lindsey Hutchings

RN, Psychotherapist

LAH Counselling & Psychotherapy

P.S. If you only take one thing from this post: you’re allowed to protect your peace this year. That’s not selfish. It’s survival.