Emotion Regulation: The Foundational Skills

This post is the second in a series of five discussing emotion regulation. All together, this series forms a beginner's guide to emotion regulation. Last week's post, the first in the series, explained the basic concept of emotion regulation. This week, we discuss part II, the fundamental skills of emotion regulation. These skills are necessary to support the development of more complex cognitive (part III) and behavioural skills (part IV). We wrap up the series with a final post discussing common obstacles (and solutions) to emotion regulation. So, if you want to improve your emotional intelligence, read on! Remember to subscribe if you want to stay updated on future blog posts.

But before we move right into the fundamental skills for emotion regulation, we will first review two related concepts.

The Rhythm of Emotions: The Wave Metaphor

Emotions are like waves. They start, rise, peak, decline, and end. Like waves, emotions vary in their level of destruction from total decimation (tsunami) to moderate destruction (tidal) down to gentle swells, which cause no damage at all.

Emotion regulation involves choosing actions to discourage a tsunami or tidal wave and encourage gentle swells. The goal of emotion regulation is not to stop the waves. This is important to understand.

Now, let's move on to coping and how it relates to emotion regulation.

Coping: Playing Emotional Defence

Coping refers to individuals' strategies and behaviours to manage stress, navigate challenges, and maintain psychological well-being. Coping is a fundamental aspect of mental health that helps people deal with difficult situations, whether they involve external stressors like work pressure or internal experiences such as negative emotions.

Coping strategies can be divided into two groups: Adaptive and Maladaptive strategies.

Adaptive and maladaptive coping strategies represent two distinct ways individuals handle stress. Adaptive coping involves methods effective at reducing distress, promoting well-being and resolving the stressor. For instance, an individual might tackle work stress by prioritizing tasks or seeking advice from a friend. Conversely, maladaptive coping includes strategies that might offer immediate relief but lead to adverse long-term effects. For example, using alcohol to cope with stress might provide a temporary escape but can lead to dependency or health issues.

Recognizing and transitioning from maladaptive to adaptive coping is crucial for maintaining mental health and managing life's challenges effectively.

Examples of Adaptive Coping:

• Problem-Solving: Directly addressing the issue at hand.

• Seeking Support: Asking for help or advice from others.

• Positive Reframing: Changing one's perspective on a stressful situation to see it more positively.

• Exercise and Relaxation: Engaging in physical activities or relaxation techniques to reduce stress.

Examples of Maladaptive Coping:

• Avoidance: Ignoring or avoiding the problem.

• Substance Use: Using drugs, alcohol, or other substances to escape stress.

• Aggression: Reacting with anger or hostility.

• Denial: Refusing to acknowledge that there's an issue.

Understanding the difference between these two forms of coping is crucial for personal development and mental health. People are better equipped to handle life's challenges when they consistently use adaptive coping techniques, leading to improved mental health and resilience. Heavy reliance on maladaptive coping strategies, such as avoidance or substance use, can impair or worsen emotion regulation, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and other adverse outcomes.

Coping is an emotion regulation skill we can use when we can't entirely eliminate the negative emotion/experience. Effective emotion regulation often involves employing adaptive coping strategies that help manage emotional responses healthily.

Avoidance or Action? Understanding Coping Styles

There are three primary approaches to coping with problems; each has pros and cons, and certain situations where they are more or less effective. Some are effective in some situations and not others. Some may be helpful when used in the short term and harmful when used for too long. Recognize that we want to have different strategies at our disposal, so try not to get caught up in the "right" or "wrong" way to cope.

Emotion-focused coping

This strategy aims to select behaviours to manage the emotions we are experiencing. The goal here is to cope until the emotional intensity becomes more tolerable. Focusing our efforts on getting through emotional discomfort can be helpful when we can't do anything about the stressor and need to get through the moment.

Emotion-focused coping can involve actions taken to distract yourself (think doom scrolling and binge-watching series) or engaging in pleasurable activities like hobbies, socialization, or taking in a show. Because emotions are like waves, emotion-focused coping involves activities to help us ride the wave until it passes and we can return to an average level of functioning.

Unfortunately, this approach does not address the need the emotion is attempting to communicate. While this may be a helpful approach in the short term, only coping with the emotions could contribute to the increased mental health symptoms over time.

Problem-focused coping

Like emotion-focused coping, the problem-focused approach aims to reduce our suffering caused by intense emotional experiences. Unlike emotion-focused coping, this approach involves choosing behaviours to resolve the issue that initially triggered the emotional reaction rather than focusing efforts on palliating the emotion itself. It isn't just about getting through this emotional experience. It tries to address the root of the problem to prevent its reoccurrence by meeting the need before an issue arises.

For example, when faced with a stressful situation, someone might use deep breathing (an emotion-focused coping strategy) to calm down before addressing the problem head-on (a problem-focused strategy). In this way, coping serves as a mechanism for emotion regulation, helping individuals maintain emotional balance and avoid becoming overwhelmed by stress.

Avoidance coping

With this strategy, individuals attempt to escape or ignore their emotions rather than confronting them directly. This approach can involve behavioural and cognitive tactics, such as denial, distraction, or numbing emotions through substances or excessive screen time. While avoidance coping might temporarily relieve stress, it can often lead to more significant problems in the long run.

Let's look at an example. You have a presentation coming at work or school.

Using problem-focused coping, you create a detailed plan for the presentation, breaking it down into manageable parts (e.g., research, slides, rehearsing). You rehearse multiple times, seek feedback from a colleague, and ensure all the technical aspects (like the projector) are ready.

With an emotion-focused approach, you may practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or mindfulness before the presentation to calm your nerves.

An avoidance strategy might involve spending your evenings playing video games and doom-scrolling while you ignore the presentation entirely.

In summary, problem-focused coping tackles the source of the stress head-on, emotion-focused coping helps manage emotional reactions, and avoidance coping relieves stress temporarily through distraction but can often lead to adverse outcomes in the long term.

Emotion Regulation: Skills & Practices

Effective emotional regulation involves using various strategies and techniques to manage and modulate one's emotions healthily and adaptively. It involves many skills and practices that help individuals navigate their feelings, from foundational abilities like emotional awareness and impulse control to more advanced techniques like cognitive reframing and distress tolerance.

Skills that build off the foundational skills include:

• Cognitive strategies reshape thought patterns.

• Behavioural approaches modify actions.

• Relational skills improve communication and social interactions.

Additionally, resilience-building and self-regulation skills enhance one's ability to cope with stress and maintain emotional balance over time. Tolerance practices help individuals endure difficult emotions, while self-awareness skills provide insight into how emotions influence behaviour. Together, these tools foster emotional well-being, strengthen relationships, and promote a sense of control and fulfillment in everyday life.

Foundational Skills for Emotion Regulation

Foundational emotion regulation skills are the fundamental abilities that help individuals recognize, understand, and manage their emotions. These include:

• Emotional awareness

• Impulse control

• Emotional acceptance 

• Mindfulness 

• Self-compassion 

• Cognitive flexibility 

These foundational skills create the groundwork for more advanced emotional management techniques.

Emotional awareness

Emotional awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your emotions. It involves accurately identifying and labelling your feelings, the first step toward managing them effectively. For example, after a stressful day at work, you pause to reflect and realize that you're not just angry but also frustrated and overwhelmed. Recognizing this helps you understand why you're snapping at your family, leading you to apologize and explain your feelings instead of letting them control your behaviour.

Impulse Control

Impulse control is the ability to manage and resist the urge to react immediately to negative emotions. It involves pausing before acting, allowing for more thoughtful and measured responses. For example, you feel the urge to yell at your partner during an argument but take a deep breath and walk away for a moment instead. By pausing, you prevent an emotional outburst and give yourself time to calm down before addressing the situation constructively.

Emotional acceptance 

With emotional acceptance, you allow yourself to experience emotions without judgment or resistance. Rather than trying to suppress or deny difficult feelings, you acknowledge them as a natural part of being human. For example, you feel sadness after losing a loved one, but instead of pushing the feeling away, you sit with it and allow yourself to grieve. You recognize that this emotion is a valid response to your loss, and you permit yourself to feel it without guilt.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness requires staying present in the moment and observing your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment. It helps you focus on what's happening now rather than worrying about the past or future. For example, during a stressful work meeting, instead of letting your anxiety spiral, you bring your attention to your breathing and the sensations in your body. Mindfulness reduces stress by helping you ground yourself in the present moment.

Self-compassion

involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times. It means recognizing that imperfection is part of the human experience and reframing negative self-talk with gentleness. For example, after making a mistake at work, instead of criticizing yourself harshly, you remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. You tell yourself, "I'm doing the best I can," and focus on how to learn from the situation rather than beating yourself up.

Cognitive flexibility

is adapting your thinking and behaviour when situations change, or you encounter new information. It helps you shift perspectives and find alternative ways of solving problems. For example, when a project at work doesn't go as planned, instead of feeling stuck, you brainstorm new approaches. You're open to feedback and willing to try a different strategy, which helps you pivot and eventually succeed.

Distress Tolerance

is the ability to endure emotional pain and discomfort without trying to escape it through unhealthy behaviours. It involves using healthy coping strategies to manage crises or intense emotions. For example, when you feel overwhelmed by a personal crisis, instead of turning to alcohol or avoidance, you practice grounding techniques like deep breathing or splashing cold water on your face. Techniques that engage the senses help you tolerate the distress without worsening the situation.

These skills are often cultivated in therapy and mindfulness practices, empowering individuals to navigate difficult emotions and situations more effectively. Foundational emotion regulation skills, such as emotional awareness, impulse control, emotional acceptance, and mindfulness, provide the essential groundwork for managing emotions effectively. These core skills help individuals recognize, understand, and embrace their feelings while fostering self-compassion and adaptability. By mastering these basics, individuals are better equipped to engage in more advanced strategies, such as cognitive and behavioural techniques. These next-level approaches build on foundational skills, helping reshape thought patterns and behaviours to enhance emotional well-being and resilience.

Mastering the Foundations: First Steps to Emotional Resilience

This post, the second in a series on emotion regulation, delves into the fundamental skills necessary for managing emotions effectively. It begins by exploring coping, categorizing strategies into adaptive and maladaptive, and discussing their implications on mental health. Adaptive coping, such as problem-solving and seeking support, is contrasted with maladaptive coping, like avoidance or substance use, highlighting how each impacts emotional regulation. The post further elaborates on three primary coping methods—emotion-focused, problem-focused, and avoidance-focused—offering insights into their applications and effectiveness. Finally, it outlines foundational emotion regulation skills, including emotional awareness, impulse control, emotional acceptance, mindfulness, self-compassion, cognitive flexibility, and distress tolerance. These skills are crucial for developing advanced emotional management techniques to enhance emotional intelligence, resilience, and well-being. Join us again next time as we discuss cognitive skills of emotion regulation.

To be notified when future posts are released, subscribe to our website here, or follow us on social media!